Category: Ramblings

Isolation

I’m isolated. My loved ones hate it…but it’s my safe space, my air bubble. I reviewed my discharge paperwork following my hospitalization back in July and was pretty surprised to see “isolation” listed as one of the psychosocial factors of my admittance. I had been so caught up with everything else that I failed to ...

The Struggle of Finding “The Right” Therapist, How Many Therapists is Considered Too Many?

And now it’s 3:49am and my thoughts are racing. I’m in graduate school and I’m wondering if I could go to my school’s counseling center to see another therapist until I can get back in with my current. I should be able to just stick it out, right? Besides, I only had to push my ...

Mental Health, Motherhood, Grief, and Loss

Trigger warning: miscarriage, depression, post-partum, grief, loss . . . . When you lose a child, it’s hard seeing others pregnant or with their babies. You want to be happy for them, but you have this emptiness that makes it difficult. You can’t help but feel jealous. And then you’re beating yourself up for feeling ...

Anxious Ramblings Entry #14 – So You’re Still Not Taking Me Seriously? (w/ voice memo)

  I filed for unemployment insurance benefits earlier this month. I know I wasn’t laid off, but I resigned due to the health issues I was having. I figured it was worth a try. Besides…I do have legit documentation. Caller: Ma’am, I’m calling to verify a few things with your unemployment insurance claim. Do you mind ...

Anxious Ramblings Entry #13 – The Day My Accommodations Were Compromised (Part 2)

So what exactly happened after I moved my office, again? What happened leading up to my resignation? What am I doing now?    So what exactly happened after I moved my office, again? Honest opinion? I loved the cosmetics of everything. I had a BIGGER office than my last one. Despite my hectic schedule, I had ...

Anxious Ramblings Entry #12 – The Day My Accommodations Were Compromised

First off,  I need to tell you that I had to quit my job and it wasn’t a planned event. Now, I will tell you the story… I wrote about working with my accommodations after I went through the humiliating process of requesting them through Human Resources. I spoke about how I was able to perform better and ...

Anxious Ramblings Entry #11 – A Letter to My God

Dear God…that is, if you’re not mad at me too? Our relationship is different. I’m pretty sure we brush past each other everyday. I feel like you’re around. You brush past me as if I’ve been kidnapped and you just discovered that I am walking with my kidnapper. You whisper our secret code, something that ...

Anxious Ramblings Entry #10 – A Letter to My Priorities

     I’m constantly feeling the pressure from you. I feel you demand more attention from me, more than I’m able to give. I’m distracted by my aches, pains and brain fog, and when I come home…I only want quiet and to rest. I’ve been neglecting you, which only makes my depressed feelings worse. I ...

Anxious Ramblings Entry #9 – Working With My “Accommodations” (w/ voice memo)

I get nervous at the thought of other people asking about my sudden changes. I wonder if I’m being watched. I should probably always look like I’m working so that they don’t think I’m trying to take advantage. I just don’t think it’s physically okay to be overdoing things ALL-YEAR-AROUND. I’m not superwoman, and I’m ...

Anxious Ramblings Entry #8 – Meeting With Human Resources and the ADA (Final Results)

They were very careful with me…I am not sure if it was a “compassionate” careful or a “I don’t know what she might do next” careful. They started off with, “I just want you to keep in mind that the law does not require us to change the production standard if you are required to ...