2017. It was a year of many good and bad things. The past couple of months have been a time of reflection…where I went wrong, where I went right, how life is just being “life” and God is being silent during my test.
If you would have asked me what my biggest fears were earlier this year, I would say being a failure, being cheated on, going through a divorce, being checked into a mental health facility, and dying.
Today, none of those are of concern. Why? Because things are going to happen and being afraid of them negatively effects my body and soul.
We were never promised a life without suffrage, never.
If I fail, I will try again. If I get cheated on or get a divorce, I will be devastated, but I will proceed. If I get checked into another mental health facility, it will be because I need the help. If I struggle with mental illness for the rest of my life, so be it!
I spent many years worrying if I would ever get married, have children, and live a normal life WITH my mental illnesses. I go to baby showers and I wonder if I’ll ever be brave enough to have a child of my own. I wondered if I would ever hold a full-time job again. I wondered if I’d ever be social again, or if I’d remain in isolation. Since I’ve been married, I’d tell myself that I should wait to have children…you know…wait to see if it goes away. What if it doesn’t go away? I can’t let it control my future. My brain has been in bondage for too long and I will no longer allow it to direct my path in life.
November 7, 2017 was my second to last psychiatric appointment for the year. It was the FIRST time in several years that I could look at my doctor and say, “I actually feel like I can do life.” I never thought I would say that, and I said it with CONFIDENCE. I couldn’t believe the words were coming out of my mouth. My dosages are finally where they need to be for me to be fully functional.
I’ve come to many conclusions now that our year is coming to an end. I may have taken a few L’s this year, but 2018 will be filled with more W’s than the Merriam-Webster dictionary. I don’t know if I’ll struggle with my mental illness forever; I don’t know if I’ll have to take medicine forever. But guess what?
Therapy has been helping me to function and manage life with it.
I’m still picking up the pieces, and I thank all of you for standing by while I’m in recovery. I want to send a huge hug to all of silent sufferers who are fighting battles that others can’t see. We are Warriors, and you are not alone. When Your Brain Hurts will continue to spread awareness and be a voice for the silent. Let’s make 2018 the year for ENDING THE STIGMA!!!!!
Until next year…
Stay Rad, Brads and Bradettes.
When Your Brain Hurts