My throat is very tight and I am experiencing a sharp pain in my upper back and shoulders. I feel a dull headache fading in and out…I cannot tell if it is from my teeth grinding through the mouth guard I wear at night, or if it is the depression taking a toll on my body. I am supposed to have an easy and relaxing day today, and still I cannot seem to focus on the positive surrounding me. I just want to go home and sleep in my bed for the next couple of days. I wish people did not need me as much. Can I just fade into the background and pretend that I do not exist for a while?
Do you ever feel like you have created an environment for yourself where everyone needs you? My clients need me, my husband needs me, my family needs me, and I need to do all I can to keep them satisfied, yet I refuse to give myself the time of day. I feel like I am full of excuses, I am such a sorry individual. When am I going to get my life together?
Several Hours Later…
My dull headache has turned into a full blown migraine, I cannot believe I let it get this bad. My mother wanted to visit me this evening, but I could not bear letting her see her “little baby” like this. I do not need her to worry about me, I am fine. I only eat a real dinner on the weekends because I do not have enough energy to cook for myself. On the weekends, we buy dinner…and I know that the only reason my husband is not giving me a hard time is because he’d rather see me eating Honeycombs for dinner than have me not eating at all. I have been eating Honeycombs for dinner for the past few months, it is the only thing my stomach can take at the end of the workday. I have tried Lucky Charms, but the simple taste of the marshmallows in the evening will make my stomach turn. Last summer, I would barely eat at all and neither would my husband. We were going through a stressful time then. He has gained some of his appetite back, and I believe eating Honeycombs is an improvement from where I once was.
When Your Brain Hurts