My husband opened the door that led to the office of our psychiatrist and I thought silently as I sat in my chair, “Here is my time.” I just knew he was going to want to discuss the accommodations paperwork he had received from my job last week. Five seconds into entering his room, the question came, “So what kind of accommodations are you requesting?” I shrugged my shoulders as a defense mechanism, but also a response to his question. I knew what I was requesting, but I am so fluent with my “Kanye shrugs” and it was too late to take it back. I really went in there expecting the worst which is what people with Generalized Anxiety Disorder do on a daily basis.
My neurons were lit. He did say some positive stuff after that…I’m sure of it, but all I heard was, “They can fire you.”
“What do you mean? I had a perfect evaluation, I exceeded expectations on every section and my supervisor’s supervisor even told me, ‘We don’t do this often.’ Now you’re trying to tell me that they can fire me?”
I didn’t hear much of his response after that, it’s almost like I went into a trance of picturing myself getting fired. I left the room with a prescription for a higher dosage of my anxiety medicine. Obviously, the milligrams I was taking wasn’t enough.
I went to speak to the record’s clerk about what all I was requesting so that he could fill out the sheet that was sent to him and I noticed that all the questions were related to physical disabilities and not mental disabilities. “How does the disability affect your client’s daily living?” There were boxes for him to check, it may affect things like eating, sleeping, walking, talking, seeing, lifting, breathing, learning etc. Meanwhile I’m like “PUT ALL THE ABOVE!” and I proceeded to tell him what I was requesting. Every statement I made, he made me feel like it was irrelevant. I know he wasn’t doing intentionally, but I was getting furious at the way he was writing off my accommodation requests and proceeding to tell me about what HE needs in HIS workspace. The deadline to submit this paperwork to HR is Friday (today), and I spoke with him on that Tuesday. In my mind, I said, “Well you would have it done if you acknowledged the form when it came in LAST WEDNESDAY.” I was lit, but I really need their help. He said that he will send it on Monday.
We shall see…
When Your Brain Hurts